It is early. Really early but Bob Villa has been up for hours. He doesn’t sleep. He home improves and mows. He’s your neighbor and he is ready to go. He’s chomping at the bit with one hand on the power sander and the other on the Lawn Boy. The grass has grown overnight and it’s already 7:45.
He has a brand new riding mower. Personally, I don’t think they should be allowed in the city. We don’t need them. Most of our lawns are big enough to cut with a good old fashioned push mower a teenager and a twenty dollar bill. This goes for me too. A huge, noisy machine is excessive, like buying a snowplow to clear the parking slab behind the condo. Get a shovel.
There are probably few readers who haven’t awakened to the noise of the home repair zealot but look, not everyone is a morning person. Maybe if it were just one guy it wouldn’t be so bad, but the dull, steady rumble that comes out of this village every weekend sounds like the love child of two Harley motorcycles. Five minutes don’t go by without sound. When Bob Villa stops to the south Martha Stewart starts up to the north. Then one by one, up and down the block machines power and fire up at regular intervals beginning at seven and ending at sunset. Mower, sander, trimmer, whacker, mower, saw, blower, nailer --all to the score of a too loud a.m. radio.
So sleepers-in unite. Organize and push for the No Mow Noise bill. It would make the mowing of lawns, trimming of bushes and the operation of any motorized or hydraulic tools illegal except between the hours of 2-4PM on Saturdays. Two hours a week is enough. With only two hours of legal power tool time, families will have more quality time together, marriages will be strengthened, children will get to know their parents. People caught motorized before or after these specified hours three times in one summer will be forced to seek counseling to discover what it is they are running from.
Support the Noise No Mow bill. All you have to lose is sleep.
