Okay, so here’s what we do. You know how nuts people go over football, right? Well I think with enough good old smoke and mirror television, we could actually convince people that the campaign is just an extension of the race to what we can bill as Superbowl B. Pundits are always bemoaning the fact that young people get all razzed up when they’re at rallys but sleep in on the day of the election. We can keep not only college kids interested, but sports fans invested as well. Think of all the stuff people know about individual players and teams. If they could know even half of that about the presidential candidates, people might actually vote on more than who they’d want to tailgate with.
Here’s how we do it. We hand over the name “Patriots” to the Dems. They’ve been hit hard on whether they are or not this past seven years. That means the Republicans will be now named the “Giants”, as in elephants are big. Independents will have to be some subgroup like the WNBA or something. In effect, we know they exist, but no one knows or cares much about them. The campaign workers can be like the cheerleaders, except with uniforms from Land's End or LLBean. The coaches are the spouses. They tell the candidates which moves to make, when to blitz, which spikes to wear, and whether to go with sleeves or no sleeves or in Romney’s case tie or no tie. Stay with me now.
So far the score is Patriots 22, Giants 66. Sounds like a blowout, but that Michigan game was only played with one team. An over 60 game season takes more than a year, so there’s plenty of time to get those foam donkey and elephant hats made. The top tier candidates will be allowed to choose a number, other than 4 or 80 so we can spot them on the fields. Jerseys can be made in High School Home Ec. Classes and sold through Schwartz bookstore and The Anabe Tea Room. Remember, whoever reaches 2025 points for the Patriots or 1191 for the Giants wins the whole enchilada, so to speak, and America loves a winner. Sorry Fred.
So get your otherwise disinterested friends, relatives and students revved up. Plan those primary day tailgate parties. Now that football season is over for us, we need some reason to get together and scream at the 52” HDTV we bought for the other Superbowl. This idea can work with some good marketing. America loves a good knock down drag out fight over something, even if it is formal debate. Oh, the official snack food of Superbowl B?
Guacamole with black and blue chips.
