Wanna see something funny? Try reenacting a state of the union address with 6 and 7 year olds. One person gets to be president and the rest are split into the democrats, the republicans, members of the supreme court and then the kids who don’ t ever want to do anything get to be the press and sit cross legged on the floor with construction paper press passes. We make an aisle and the kid who is always shushed for talking too loudly gets to yell, “Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States.“ One side of the aisle bursts into loud, low politician’s “HOOAs” while the other stands and claps politely. Members of both sides stretch to the aisle to shake the hand of someone most either can’t stand or someone they think has screwed up the party for the next generation. Everyone smiles, glad hands and back slaps until the only kid who can be responsible with a hammer slams it down a few times on top of the dictionary. The crowd quiets. Hammer girl introduces the president again, in case people came in late, and the place erupts again. It’s hard to teach kids how to look like they just came from a couple Manhattans, but we just tell them to act a tiny bit silly. The quiet kid Supreme Court just sits down and shuts up.
The president hands copies of his speech to the VP and Speaker of the House and begins to speak. He says everything’s hunky dory and half the room rises as though they’ve all been stung in the ass at the same time. The other side, with one limp hand, hits their thighs or their clenched fists so disgust is mixed with a bit of etiquette.
Every three sentences, that same half of the room leaps up and yells, the other sits and looks disengaged. Whenever the military is mentioned the whole room has to stand and clap, looking very serious. Children are reminded to stand every time and nod a lot with a sullen face when military families are acknowledged. Kids are prompted to stand and yell when tax cuts, pork barrels, bridges to nowhere and No Child Left Behind are leaned forward and growled out.
Just before recess, we signal the president to wrap it up, turn around and shake the hands of the VP and Speaker and then to take a leisurely stroll down the aisle, autographing copies of speeches that will be on Ebay by 11PM. Everyone tells him what a great speech it was until they get to the corridors for interviews from the press and pundits. Then they burst out laughing and open with something like, “What world is this guy living in?” They proceed to list all the failures left unmentioned and suggest some fact checks might be in order.
The kids practically run over that kid as they forget what just happened and run out to play. Well done class, well done.
