I remember being told once that middle school students were given so many hours of homework because they were being groomed to attend schools like Harvard and Yale. Not that they would all go to them, but they would be prepared to if “Extreme Home Makeover” ever dropped by to raze their home and throw in an ivy league scholarship with the new double stove and bed made of pancake flippers.
While those old icons of scholarship, privilege and connection may motivate some educators to maintain a great lesson plan book, I’m starting to wonder if this is really what our broader society values. As I watch this lampoon of a campaign for nominee of the Democratic Party, I’m learning a lot about Americans in the “heartland”. I’m watching Hillary Clinton hide her Wellesley class ring so the beam from the Miller Lite sign doesn’t draw attention to it while she’s throwing down a beer and a shot. She’s with her people, now.
Barack Obama, on the other hand, insists on making grandiose speeches flowered with high and mighty multi-syllabic adjectives to intellectually motivate voters to sign on for the long term stay of change. He thinks he’s so smart…How can we possibly trust someone who clarifies the kind of lettuce he wants? What does someone who can’t even bowl a 50 know about running a country? He can’t know what we want him to do if he doesn’t know how to drink a shot off the stomach of a constituent. What’s he thinking?
I don’t know about you, but what I’m looking for in a president is someone who can hang with the people; someone who rolls the holes in his socks over the toes and keeps on going. I will cast my vote for someone who acts the way I did when I was 22- a real thinker.
If we really want to educate students so that someday they can be president of the United States, we need to drop the pretense and hit the brass tacks with themes of the common man. There are some things that presidential hopefuls need to know before landing behind the desk that anchors the oval office.
-Government surplus stores carry flag pins big enough to be picked up on digital, but small enough to make it clear that the wearing is obligatory. Pins must always be worn on the left lapel, right side up and in the face.
-When in public, especially with the real people such as non-college educated white males, express a desire to engage in real sports like football. If the sport doesn’t involve beer or mud, don’t even bother. No one’s buyin’ it.
-When you go to your assigned diner along the way, just order the special. Say, “Hey, what’s the special today?” Then eat it. All. If there is no special, look at the dish of some old codger sitting nearby and say, “I’ll have what he’s got. It looks great.” Then leave the old guy alone. He doesn’t want to talk to you.
-Don’t sip shots. It looks stupid.
-Don’t neatly roll up the sleeves on your white or light blue shirt when speaking to people who earn less than $40,000 a year. If you want credibility, wear an “I Closed Wolski’s” or “Wall Drug” t-shirt.
-Spill stuff on your tie or pants suit once in awhile if you want to look like one of us.
-Don’t quote the New York Times. Referencing Dale Earnhardt Jr. and the WWA will get you a lot more attention.
These are tips that ought to be part of every high school and college political science class syllabus. The most important thing for young politicians to know is that we don’t like snobs here in the U.S. of A. We’re not going to do what some book cracking, memory stick carrying, wine leg checking, snail dipping teacher’s pet tells us.
So teachers, be careful. Don’t make elitists out of your students. During their next debate about the death penalty, bring out a couple pies to throw. Show “The Beverly Hillbillies” at the graduation rehearsal and call everybody Jethro. As they cross the stage, give out the diplomas, shake their hands and make them drink a shot. Leave the ceremony knowing you’ve done your best to prepare them for the highest office in the land, giving the country exactly what it is crying for.
A people’s president.
