The Rambling Insomniac

Mac Daddy

2008-10-09T14:30:14Z

A few weeks back, my wife Stephanie and I decided to buy a laptop computer. Our goal was to simply have a laptop with wireless capability so we could use the Internet throughout our home.

Egad…we’ve spent nearly $2,000 thus far, and I still don’t have the ability to surf the Internet from our new laptop! Let me explain…..we bought the new laptop and wireless router, and we were all set to hook it up. When I tried loading the wireless router disks onto our computer, I got several error messages. So, we had that checked out, which led to us having to purchase a new computer, since the one we had (that worked just fine, thank you) apparently had a corrupt “mother-board”. Since Steph is a stay-at-home-mom, she has a lot more time to deal with these sorts of things, so I agreed to have her work on getting us a new computer. On the advice of a friend, she purchased a Mac instead of getting a Windows based model. Bless her heart for doing this, but let me tell you, having been a Windows user all my life, converting to being a Mac user is no easy task. Even the simplest things like viewing pictures or videos ends up like being on a safari (which is ironically what Mac calls their web browsing program). Additionally, it seems that NOTHING is compatible with the Mac. So far, we have already had to buy a new printer, a new router and several “Windows for Mac” programs.

Well, enough whining. We have had the Mac for about 2 weeks now, and we are learning how to navigate through the various programs it has. Many of these are quite “feature rich”, and seem nicer than Windows, but learning how to use them is no easy task. When I think about it, having this Mac has been sort of like raising our children. Until you have done it, you have no idea what to do or what to expect. And just like children, the more time you spend with the Mac, the easier it seems to get. Each day thus far has been an adventure with our baby Mac, and I just hope that as its Mac Daddy, I can give it the time and attention it deserves.

G’Night G’Town!

“Computers, huh? I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.”
~From the television show King of Queens, spoken by the character Doug Heffernan

In 1982....

2008-09-30T18:42:59Z

….Epcot opened.

….Double Stuff Oreo’s made their debut.

….the Falklands war topped most evening news broadcasts.

….the Weather Channel made its debut.

….Cal Ripken started his first game of what would become a record-breaking consecutive-games-played streak of 2,632.

….the first Rubik’s Cube World Championship was held.

….Men at Work won a Grammy for Best New Artist.

….”Cheers” won the Emmy for Best Comedy.

….seven people died in Chicago from poisoned Tylenol capsules.

….the Boeing 747 was introduced.

….Tom Brokaw introduced us to the AIDS epidemic.

….Michael Jackson released “Thriller”.

….“The Computer” was the first non-human named as Time Magazine's “Man of the Year”.

….Microsoft Windows would not be introduced until three years later.

….the first Toyota Camry was manufactured.

….Ben Roethlisberger, Danica Patrick, Seth Rogen, Kelly Clarkson, Kirsten Dunst and LeAnn Rimes were born.

….Satchel Paige, Gordon Smiley, Paul Lynde, John Belushi, Randy Rhoads, and Henry Fonda died.

….cellular phones had not been invented yet.

….a gallon of gas cost 91 cents.

….the first issue of “USA Today” was published.

….”E.T. The Extra Terrestrial” was released.

….Lynn Dickey led the Green Bay Packers to a 5-3-1 record in a strike shortened NFL season.

….the Milwaukee Brewers made their last play-off appearance….UNTIL NOW!! It’s been a LONG, LONG time Brewer fans; go ahead and revel in the moment!

G’Night G’Town!

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. ~Author Unknown

AIG Bail-Out

2008-09-24T12:51:04Z

Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the past couple of weeks, you are undoubtedly aware of the recent financial crisis that has come about here in America. Long story short, several large investment and insurance firms, such as American International Group (AIG), have been teetering on the edge of bankruptcy as a result of the collapse of the sub-prime mortgage market. The crisis is serious enough that our government has stepped in and has now created an $85 billion “bail-out” plan for AIG. Under the plan, the government will basically take control of about 80% of AIG’s holdings.

Now I’m no Alan Greenspan, but this whole bail-out move is something I am really struggling with. Fact is, the American free enterprise system is one that runs on greed. As Americans, we want more money, so we are willing to take certain risks to get more money. In the case of large insurance firms such as AIG, they have capitalized on these risks, and when economic times are good, they make boatloads of money. But suddenly, when certain economic factors come about, there profits shrink down to nothing, and they end up in bankruptcy. Now here is the part I struggle with…why is it my responsibility as a taxpayer to bail them out? When times were good for AIG, I don’t remember ever seeing a credit on my paycheck that said something like “AIG Rebate”? Boy, that sort of sounds like socialism, doesn’t it? Scary stuff.

Again, I’m no Wall Street wizard, and I can’t say I have a better idea of how to solve this crisis. I do trust our government when they say that something needs to be done here, but I’m just concerned about the precedent we may be setting for the future.

G’Night G’Town!

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. ~Robert F. Kennedy

The Hills, Dirt and Jesus

2008-09-16T14:40:01Z

The hills, dirt and Jesus. Just a few things I am feeling older than this week. You see, just the other day, I received an invitation for my 25-year high school reunion. I guess I was just sort of coasting through life really not paying attention to how old I’m getting, and WHAM!, I’ve been out of high school for 25 years!?!?

I’m sure many of you can relate with me when I say high school was not by any means a highlight in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I had tons of friends back then, partied hard and managed to graduate with a “3 point something” GPA, but for me, my life really began after high school. But that’s just me. I still have friends that can’t stop talking about “the good old days” of high school, and I guess that’s okay. Maybe for them, these were the years that shaped their lives, or maybe they were just the best years they ever had? It would be really sad to me if the latter were true on that one.

So anyway, I am feeling a bit old right now, but I’ll get over it. I have my own mathematical “philosophy” on the years we spend here on Earth, and it goes something like this:

Your first 15 years of life simply do not count. Face it, we were all too young and too stupid for these years to really matter. So, if I figure that my life started at the age of 15, that means I’ve really only lived for 28 years. When I balance my bad habits and vices with improvements in health care, I figure I am going to live until I’m at least 80 years old. With that being said, I still have 37 more years of life left, and given the fact that I’ve only lived for 28 so far, I’ve got a long way to go! And if I can pack as much life into my next 37 years as of I’ve packed into the first 28, things are looking even better.

If there are any other Class of 1983, Germantown High School Alumni out there that are feeling as old as dirt right about now, keep your chin up, we still have a long way to go!

G’Night G’Town!

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

Indian Summer

2008-09-09T02:44:27Z

This past weekend, my wife and I took our kids down to the Indian Summer Festival held at Milwaukee’s Summerfest grounds. Thus far in life, the only exposure to Indians my kids have had has been what they see on Scooby-Doo, so we felt this would be a good educational opportunity for them. My son, Buck, told me he didn’t want to go see the Indians because “they’re scary” (they are usually ghosts on Scooby-Doo). So, we went onto YouTube the night before and pulled up some Pow Wow videos for him to watch. This set him at ease.

We got to Indian Summer early enough on Saturday to grab some food before the big Pow Wow began. We were eating some Indian flatbread, which I referred to as “Indian donuts” so I could get the kids to try it. Once they tried the deep-fried, buttery, sugar and cinnamon treat, they gobbled it up. As we were eating it, I did my best Indian chant saying, “I like donuts, I like donuts, I like donuts!” My wife quickly scoffed at me and reminded me that I may not be exactly politically correct chanting like that sitting at a table surrounded by true Native Americans! No disrespect intended though.

We then went to see the Pow Wow, which was really cool. Many nations of Indians were represented, all in traditional garb. As they entered the Pow Wow area as part of the “Grand Entry”, they danced and chanted to various traditional Indian tunes. Before that, one of the leaders of the festival gave an opening prayer that was quite moving. While I can’t quote him exactly, he said something to the effect of “We are here not as a race, not as a nation, and not as an ethnic group. We are all here as people, to celebrate our Earth, our skies and all those people we share it with”. It was quite a moving prayer when coupled with the passion these people displayed in their dance, song, attire and celebrations.

Afterwards, all of the Indian Nations broke off into areas throughout the grounds and began traditional celebrations specific to their tribes. All was done authentically, with emcee’s describing the dances and chants so observers got an education on what the significance of every move was.

All in all, it was a great festival, and one I would certainly recommend to anyone. It was a great way to learn more about the many Indian Nations that exist in our country, as well as a great way to enjoy the Summerfest grounds without having to fight the major crowds normally associated with other festivals. All this, and now my family has a greater respect for the many Indian cultures, and my kids don’t just think Indians are simply some scary ghosts on Scooby-Doo!

G’Night G’Town!

When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, "Ours." ~Vine Deloria, Jr.

Dear World...I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

2008-08-29T12:15:51Z

The day after Labor Day, my daughter Lyndsy starts her first day of school. She will be attending the K4 program at Plat Elementary School. I had envisioned writing a mushy and sentimental blog that would attempt to capture all the emotions I’m feeling with this big step in her life. But just last week, my sister TJ handed me a copy of an article she had clipped from an Ohio newspaper where she lives. Seems someone has already written down all of my feelings, and likely those of all parents that have sent their kids off to school.

The following was penned by a gentleman named Dan Valentine, and to the best of my knowledge was written sometime in the 1960’s. It is titled, “Dear World….I Trust You’ll Treat Her Well”. Enjoy!

Dear World,

I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sun when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she'll learn to stand in lines and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells and deadlines and she'll learn to giggle and gossip and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And, now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside.

And now she'll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And now she'll find new heroes.

For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and father and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers which is only right.

But, no longer will I be the smartest, greatest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud or kiss dogs or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.

Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.

So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long…and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sun when she runs.

I trust you'll treat her well.

Sniff, sniff……

G’Night G’Town!

Betty Brinn Is Dead!

2008-08-25T22:13:33Z

My wife Stephanie and I just got back from a weeklong trip in Minocqua with our kids, Lyndsy and Buck. It was a great trip. We stayed in a beautiful cabin on a picturesque lake. The weather was as perfect as you can get, and we didn’t see a mosquito all week! While there, we did all the usual family stuff including boating, fishing, swimming, shopping, horseback riding, go-carting, treasure hunting, casino hopping and hit just about every attraction that will keep a 3 or 4 year-old’s interest (Lyndsy is 4 and Buck is 3). We must have done a good job at keeping them interested, as they were both extremely disappointed that we had to leave after being there for 7 whole days.

It is so cliché to talk about, but our biggest problem with the kids all week was the five-hour ride up there, and the subsequent return trip home. We have a SUV that has a DVD player in it, and even that couldn’t keep the kids occupied enough not to whine the entire way up. If given a dollar for every time we heard “Are we almost there?” I think we could have easily covered the entire price of the vacation. Luckily, the anticipation of the trip kept everyone in a good mood, so the drive up wasn’t too bad. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing about the ride home. Both our kids caught major colds while we were up there, so when it came time to leave, they were both grumpy to begin with. Couple that with them not wanting to leave in the first place, and I can tell you, they were not exactly what you would call “happy campers” when we began our journey home.

Anyone that’s raised children knows that times like these truly test what sort of fortitude you have of trying to be a perfect parent. For instance, after listening to Buck cough and cry for the first two hours of the trip home, we decided the best way to keep our sanity was to pump him full of enough cough syrup to make him a non-factor for the rest of the ride (c’mon…of course we followed the recommended dosage!). While that trick worked well for Buck, Lyndsy was bound and determined to make our entire ride home truly miserable. She whined and cried the entire way, and at some point decided she was going to tell us that she wants to go to Betty Brinn (the children’s museum in Milwaukee). She then proceeded to tell us this over, and over, and over, and over again! Now, between Steph and I, I’m normally the more patient parent, and whining like this normally doesn’t bother me. But after hearing Lyndsy cry out her ten-millionth, “I want to go to Betty Brinn”, I blurted out, “BETTY BRINN IS DEAD!”. Luckily, Lyndsy’s own whining prevented her from hearing me say that, so no harm was done. My comment did however at least give Steph and me a good chuckle for the rest of the way home.

So, all in all, we truly had a great family vacation. We are already talking about doing something similar next year. However, Steph and I both agreed we’d plan it somewhere MUCH closer to home!

A classic Buck moment from our vacation............

G’Night G’Town!

The alternative to a vacation is to stay home and tip every third person you see.
~Author Unknown

Applebee's Update

2008-08-14T19:50:03Z

No, Germantown isn’t getting a new Applebee’s! Be happy we are getting a Sendik’s for crying out loud!

Anyway, back in January, I posted a blog titled “Free Applebee’s Coupons”. I did it really as a joke to see if having a title like that would increase the amount of “hits” or visitors to my blog. Well, I am proud to say that as of today, more than 12,000 people have opened up that particular blog. Personally, I find some humor in the fact that there are 12,000 people out there that probably hate my guts for wasting their time.

Of course, if I was truly interested in increasing my readership beyond my parents and myself (I read my own blogs at least twice per day), I guess I could start using catchier titles. Something like “Phelp’s gold medals” or “Angelina Jolie Naked” or “Obama Sex Tape” would probably draw some readers in?

Sorry, but I have to run now so I can go and get my “FREE iPhone” (ha, ha!).

G’Night G’Town!

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

Merrilly We Roll Along

2008-08-06T20:50:32Z

I have no idea who reads this blog (or why you would want to in the first place!), but I’m wondering if any of you commute into Milwaukee on a daily basis? You see, for the past few days, there has been a Milwaukee Sheriff’s Vehicle parked on the southbound side of Highway 41 somewhere near Hampton Avenue. This normally means trouble, as everyone will slow down for fear of a speeding ticket, or just to rubberneck as to what’s going on. This then causes a major backup. Contrary to what normally happens, this particular vehicle hasn't slowed anyone down thus far? In fact, if you've traveled this route in the past couple of years during rush hour, you’d know that the 55mph speed limit has become something of a joke. Simply put, a car traveling at 55mph along this stretch would likely cause major disruptions.

But anyway, I’m not sure if Milwaukee is doing some kind of a crack down on speeders, or if this is one of those “dummy” vehicles placed just to slow down traffic, or if the Sheriff in the car has choked and died on a doughnut, but I’m wondering why it’s there? Does anyone know? Honestly, I haven’t been able to take a close enough look at it while I’m whizzing past at 75mph.

G’Night G’Town!

Sheriff Branford: “The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.”
Buford T. Justice: “The god dam Germans got nothin' to do with it!”

~From “Smokey and the Bandit”

A New Trick From An Old Dog

2008-08-01T19:49:00Z

How often do you see an invention, a new product or just a trick that someone shows you, and you immediately say to yourself, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Well, on a recent fishing trip to Eagle River with my buddy Dave, I encountered one of those moments.

We were sitting around the campfire with Ray, our resort owner, shooting the breeze over some cocktails. Now, you have to understand that Ray, who's a chipper 69 years old, is as close to being retired as possible. Like most folks up in “da nort woods”, he counts every penny he can to get by. I’m not sure how the subject came up, but we were talking about freezing things such as meat or fish that you may have bought or caught in bulk. Someone mentioned that having an electric, vacuum sealer was a great way to accomplish this. That’s when Ray chimed in;

“Nah, you don’t need one of those fancy-schmancy gizmos. I just put the food into a baggie, which, by the way, you can get a box of 50 of the quart sized ones at that Dollar Store down in Rhinelander for a buck. Then I just take the straw out of my cocktail, zipper the bag almost shut and insert the straw. I then start sucking until I can’t suck anymore and seal it off as quickly as I can. It works great, and if you suck long and hard enough, it gives you a pretty good head rush too.” And as Ray told us that tip, I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that.”

Well, having caught a bunch of salmon this week while on a Lake Michigan charter, I thought I’d give Ray’s trick a try and prepare some of my catch for the freezer. I got out my baggies, and I pulled out my cocktail straw, and just as Ray described, the method worked “slick as water off a ducks back!” And after my 5th bag of salmon filets was done, I quickly realized I had quite the head rush going on.

Thanks for that one Ray.

G’Night G’Town!

The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people. ~Karl Marx

Accidents Happen

2008-07-21T14:44:21Z

I read over the weekend that the Village of Thiensville is considering banishing the tradition of candy tossing from future parades. This is a result of this year’s Fourth of July Parade there, in which candy tossing “was out of control” according to village trustee John Treffert (read the full story here). Apparently, a kid ran out to get some tossed candy, and was hit by another kid riding a bike in the parade. Although a sad situation, it’s just an accident, and I’m sorry, but accidents happen. Banishing candy from future parades seems like a rather brash solution to an isolated incident.

If a kid falls off his bike in next year’s parade, will they then ban bikes from future parades? Yikes…what if a horse or dog in the parade were to bite someone? Would they then banish them from future parades as well? And oh my, what if the blast of a horn from a fire engine scares some kids and makes them cry? They’ll certainly need to banish emergency vehicles from all future parades.

Here’s a thought…maybe Thiensville should just line up all of the parade participants and floats on a street and simply have spectators walk past the parade to view it. That sure would be safe now wouldn’t it? Of course, someone walking might trip on a crack in the sidewalk and…well, I think you get my point here.

Accidents happen.

G’Night G’Town!

A Pork-Chop In Every Can

2008-07-11T22:41:55Z

Within the past month, I’ve heard several different people use the phrase “a pork chop in every can” when referring to beer. The premise being: "Why bother eating something, as you can get just as much nutrition from a can of beer than you can from a pork chop?"

Hmmmm…that’s certainly an interesting concept.

Any die-hard beer drinker clearly knows that interrupting a good beer drinking binge with some food will certainly absolve most of the mind altering properties one was hoping to achieve with downing a 12-pack in the first place. With that being said, it certainly supports the premise of “a pork chop in every can”.

One could also argue that the act of opening a can of beer is much simpler than cooking up a pork chop. There’s certainly no grill to light, no grease on the stove, no dishes to clean up and you don’t have to wash your hands after drinking a beer. And on top of that, have you seen the price of pork lately? Once again, these points all support the premise of “a pork chop in every can”.

Being the inquisitive soul that I am, I checked out the nutritional values of both the beer and the pork chops in question. Turns out that a can of beer has 1 gram of protein, and a pork chop has 20 grams of protein. Beer has 0 grams of fat and a pork chop has 11 grams of fat. Based on the nutritional value of both beer and pork chops, you can conclude that one would have to drink twenty beers to get the same protein content as one pork chop. And, in doing so, one would incur zero grams of fat in the process. It’s complicated math, I know, but based on my research, I now see where the phrase “a pork chop in every can” comes from, and I fully support the premise behind it.

I have to run now, as my kids are bugging me to make some dinner for them. Boy, this is going to be easy!

G’Night G’Town!

“This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!” - Friar Tuck in ‘Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves’

Northridge Mall Revisited

2008-07-01T20:19:46Z

A couple of nights ago, I was lying in bed thinking about the old Northridge Mall (yes, that is the sort of thing that keeps an insomniac up at night). Although I really haven’t been near Northridge since it closed many years ago, I still have a lot of memories from that place.

- I remember the tobacco store called “The Tinder Box”. They had a HUGE walk-in cigar humidor, way before cigar smoking became chic. Of course, back then, you could openly smoke pretty much anywhere in the mall. The Tinder Box also sold a great variety of snuff.

- I remember the incredible smell of cinnamon, butter and sugar that lingered on the north side of the mall from that bakery called Tiffany’s. This was way before Food Courts became standard fixtures in malls.

- While I’m on the subject of food, do you remember the café that was inside of Woolworth’s in the mall?

- I remember that obnoxiously long and dark hallway you had to walk down to get to a restroom.

- Remember the place up on the second floor called “Hickory Farms”? As a fat kid growing up, those big display boxes of various cheeses and sausages were always very intriguing to me. I’d often think to myself “Man, when I grow up and have some money, I’m buying one of those gift packs all for myself!”

- Speaking of a fat kids dream, do you remember the huge candy shop in Sears? That place rocked! Some of my favorites were the Candy Raisins and the Red Raspberries (tasted like Swedish Fish, but they were way better). If my memory serves me right, they also had a big candy store in Gimble’s when it was there.

- I remember going back and forth between Galaxy of Sound and Musicland to see which store had the latest KISS album for sale the cheapest.

- I remember frequenting that place called Captain’s Steak Joint. We’d go there for happy hour just because they had that awesome cheese fondue dip for free!

- I remember when the entrance for the movie theatres was on the lower level. It’s strange to think that a “Six-plex” back then was considered a HUGE theatre! I also remember having my buddy Brad’s mom swindling some guy to “smuggle” Brad and me in to see “Apocalypse Now” because we were only 14 years old when it came out. I also remember the midnight showings of Rocky Horror, Led Zeppelin’s “The Song Remains the Same”, Night of the Living Dead and various other movies. The smoky haze in the theatres back then wasn’t just from cigarettes!

Unfortunately, the mall took a turn for the worse in the 1990’s, and became somewhat of a scary place to go. It’s too bad, since I’m sure many others have a lot of good memories from there like I do.

G’Night G’Town!

When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic. ~Steven Wright

Waterlogged with Flood Coverage

2008-06-23T21:33:21Z

Is it just me, or are you as tired as I am of seeing videos of that house in Lake Delton being gobbled up by the recent floodwaters? Honestly, I watched the WTMJ Channel 4 News over the weekend, and they showed that video at least 10 times during the ½ hour news broadcast. They also spent a full 20 minutes on flood related coverage, followed by 7 minutes of weather, and 3 minutes of sports. My goodness…is nothing else happening in Milwaukee or Wisconsin?

I feel terrible for those affected by the floods, but this all happened a few weeks ago and we are now well into the “clean-up” phase, so enough already! We get it! We had a lot of rain and some flooding occurred! Yes, we know Lake Delton was drained out! Yes, we know rivers are at flood levels throughout most of the southern ½ of our state! Yes, we know it might rain today, tomorrow or the next day, but do you really need to have the weather guy sitting at the news desk at the beginning of the newscast?

For some time now, I have been appalled with our local news media and their entire “Breaking News” format. All they seem to focus on is gloom and doom, and using shock value to instill fear into anyone that watches. Just once, I’d like to see a newscast that tells of some good things going on around our state. And if they want to cover the flood anymore, make it beneficial to those affected by it, and offer some news information they can actually use.

And please, stop showing me that poor family’s house floating down the Wisconsin River.

G’Night G’Town!

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ~George Carlin – R.I.P.

Tornadoes & Trains

2008-06-10T20:11:03Z

I've always been infatuated with tornadoes. I watch T.V. shows about them, I love watching news clips about them, I constantly dream about them, and I truly believe that one will actually hit me someday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of tornadoes; in fact, I look forward to the day I actually get to see one coming at me.

But herein lies a problem. The property where I live is heavily wooded, and any good view of the western sky is pretty much blocked by trees. If a tornado were coming straight at me, I likely wouldn’t see it until it was right on top of the house. On top of that, active railroad tracks run adjacent to my property. We’ve all seen countless video clips of the guy from the trailer park recently hit by a tornado that exclaims, “I was just standin’ there drinkin’ my beer, whens I heard what I thought was a freight train a comin’ right through my dang kitchen!” Fact is, I hear freight trains coming right through my kitchen 24 hours a day! As I stood on my porch this past weekend, mesmerized by the awesome storms that were rolling through, at least three different trains went by during the peak of the storm. So you can just picture me dropping my beer, running into the house like an idiot yelling, “hit the basement!” only to realize it was just another train going by.

All my life, there have been certain things I just knew were going to happen, and eventually they did. I’m certain my house will be hit by a tornado someday, and I really hope I’m there to witness it when it happens. And I certainly hope that when a tornado really does come, I don’t do something stupid like stand on my porch and say, “Oh, don’t worry about that noise, it’s just a train”.

G’Night G’Town!

Lolita: Hi, I'm Lolita, and this is Tanqueray.
Tanqueray: Since we're all about to die, we were wondering if you guys'd like to be our last boyfriends on earth?
Beavis: Tornadoes are cool, they can drive matches through a 2x4.
Butt-head: Yeah, a tornado can smash a poodle's face with a brick.
Beavis: They can suck a heart out of a man's chest and show it to him before he dies. Tornadoes are cool.

Breaking the law, breaking the law

2008-06-03T18:43:00Z

Hello. My name is Tom White, and I am a criminal. I am a chronic speeder.

Now before you go and write me off as some menace to society, let me explain. I have a long commute to work each day, and that is where I generally do all of my speeding. Even then, it is restricted primarily to the freeway, and I’m only talking somewhere between 5–10 mph faster than posted speed limits. Having not had or caused an accident in some 20 years, I do consider myself a very safe driver.

So, with gas prices being so high lately, I thought I’d try reducing my freeway speeds to see if I could save a little bit of cash. I slowed down for two entire weeks as part of my experiment. Slowing down certainly did increase my gas mileage, but only by 2 miles per gallon when all was said and done. When I factor in how many miles I travel each day, and figure out my savings based on $4.00 per gallon of gas, I could save myself a whopping $22 each month by doing the posted speed limit.

But then I think about what this past two weeks of commuting has been like for me. I’ve been cut-off or flipped-off more times than I care to mention. I have felt embarrassed at times, and have been passed by more Minivans than I would normally ever admit too. Fact is, most drivers simply do not travel at speeds anywhere near the posted speed limit. I’ve become convinced that simply trying to do the speed limit is more of a road hazard than speeding itself.

So, when I consider my increased aggravation, my overall livelihood, my pride and my own sweet precious time, it gets me to thinking whether or not that $22 per month is worth it!?

Hello. My name is Tom White, and I am a criminal. I am a chronic speeder.

G’Night G’Town!

You don’t know what it’s like, you don’t have a clue.
If you did you’d find yourself, doing the same things too.
Breaking the law, breaking the law.
~Judas Priest

Wiener Wraps

2008-05-28T01:26:25Z

Don’t you hate it when you have big expectations for something, and then it doesn’t live up to them? Whether this be an event, a party, a gift you’re giving, a holiday, or whatever. Just something you had perceived of going one way, and then it goes completely opposite of what you had planned. For anyone that’s raised children, we’ve all learned not to set ourselves up for disappointment when it comes to expectations centered on them.

Take my family’s trip this past weekend to the Family Kite Festival down at Veteran’s Park on Lake Michigan. My wife and I had planned the entire day out, complete with kites, picnic supplies and various other surprises for our kids. We thought for sure the kids would love seeing the lakefront, all the people, the kites, and the various other things such a festival has to offer. But when we got there, one major element for flying kites was missing. Yep, that’s right, there was no wind. We tried to keep our kids interested in their kites, but this involved constant running. After watching my wife and 4 year-old daughter run off into the horizon and disappear with their pink, smiley-face kite in tow, I actually thought I might never see them again. But, they came back some 15 minutes later, kite string tangled everywhere, my daughter crying, and my wife with a look of frustration on her face I cannot even begin to describe. About the same time, my 3 year-old son lost all interest in his kite, and started whining about wanting to “go home” and was truly testing my nerves. Now mind you, we had only been at the festival for 20 minutes at this point. Gee, what fun we were having already! All this whining certainly wasn’t part of the plan!

So, we switched to Plan B and laid down a blanket and started to have a picnic. Fortunately, the kids really enjoyed this. After eating some food and enjoying some drinks, we made up a game called “Wiener Wraps”, which involved rolling each other up in the blanket we had brought. We played this for what seemed like forever, and the kids would have played it all day and night if we had let them. Such a silly little game, done with nothing but an old blanket, but the kids thought it was the greatest thing ever. I guess it was sort of like when you’re all excited about the big toy you give a kid for his or her birthday, and then they spend the entire afternoon playing with the box it came in.

So anyway, I guess kids have a way of keeping us humble, and they remind us not to set our expectations too high for things. They make us realize that joy can be found anywhere in life, and it doesn’t have to be something big, elaborate and planned out to make it memorable and fun.

G’Night G’Town!

Children find everything in nothing; men find nothing in everything. ~Giacomo Leopardi

Swimming with Sharks

2008-05-20T19:08:36Z

My wife and I recently scheduled a summer trip to the Northwood’s for our family. We are renting a cabin on a lake, near Minocqua, for a week in August. We spent hours looking at countless resorts and all their offerings, and finally found one that should be just perfect for the kids and us. We’ve rented a log style cabin with a beautiful porch that overlooks the lake. The resort has an awesome looking swimming beach, with a nice gradual slope into the water, where our kids are likely to spend the majority of their time while we’re up there.

We’ve sent in our deposit for the cabin, and are now just sitting back anxiously looking forward to our trip. But just today, I received something I found a bit odd. I received an e-mail from the resort owner that politely asked me to “sign the attached waiver and fax it back” to him. The waiver is written in typical “lawyer-speak”, and has a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo in it. Its basic message is that the resort offers many activities, including swimming, boating, fishing, and various sports activities, and that there are “significant risks” associated with such activities. I am being asked to sign the waiver to indemnify the resort from all liability in the event one of the members of my family gets hurt doing one of these “risky” activities.

My goodness!! Is this really what our society has come to? We need to sign waivers to stay at a resort for vacation? Has self-entitlement in America reached the stage where we have to sign disclaimers to protect each other from lawsuits related to swimming, running and playing? I guess it has, and in my opinion, that’s just plain sad.

Well, I went ahead and signed the waiver and faxed it off. I sure hope we don’t need to sign a waiver to eat pancakes at Paul Bunyan’s restaurant while we’re up there.

G’Night G’Town!

Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers. ~Erik Pepke

Barn Sale

2008-05-13T20:06:01Z

Having moved into our hobby farm two years ago now, my wife Stephanie and I came to the conclusion that we simply had too much junk piling up around the place. We had countless boxes of stuff that hadn’t even been opened since we moved in, and a few others so full of junk that it made me wonder why we even moved them in the first place! I use the term “junk” loosely here, as a lot of our stuff was good stuff, but just not stuff we use anymore. So, we decided the best way to get rid of all this stuff was to host a Barn Sale.

I could bore you with all the details of our sale and the work we did to prepare for it, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll offer a simple observation – the $400 bucks we made fails in comparison to the many new friends and neighbors we met, and the many interesting conversations we had. The conversations were varied, and included such intriguing subjects as politics, golf carts, gas prices, organic eggs, collectibles, horse manure, fainting goats, dogs, children, cooking, marriage, etc. etc. etc. At least a dozen of our “customers” offered some sort of historical knowledge of our farm or our neighborhood, all of which were extremely entertaining.

We weren’t successful in selling all of our junk in just one weekend of the sale, so we may put the signs out another weekend or two as the weather continues to warm up. So, if you are in the Bark Lake area and see signs for our “Barn Sale”, feel free to stop by and chat for a while. We’d love to meet you. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find some junk to buy yourself!

And if you do get a chance to drop on by, please don't bother using the line, "Is this the barn that's for sale?", as we've heard that one a hundred times already!

G’Night G’Town!

One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. ~Author Unknown

20 Questions

2008-05-06T18:26:32Z

Due to a busy couple of weeks, I’ve been quite delinquent on my blogging responsibilities. However, I have made note of some things that have been on my mind lately and I’ve formed them around “20 questions”. Unfortunately, none of these are in any way linked to one another, and there is absolutely nothing to learn from them, but “oh well”:

Why is the Washington County Sheriffs Department being so tight-lipped about the drive-by shooting in Slinger Saturday night? Shouldn’t they be telling us everything about it in an attempt to figure out who did it?

Why would I want to buy a mattress designed by fashion mogul Vera Wang? What advantages of sleep could a fancy and frilly “designer” mattress possibly offer me?

Not being one to say, “I told you so”, I must point out that I predicted that the NASCAR Nextel Cup would be short lived. This year, they have now changed it to the NASCAR Sprint Cup. What will it be next year…the NASCAR US Cellular Cup? Dale Earnhardt must be rolling over in his grave as he grips his seven Winston Cups.

Why do companies like Coke and Pepsi continue with so much advertising and marketing? We all know they exist, and we all have our favorites. Seeing a Pepsi commercial in no way has ever made me run out and buy one.

In this day and age, could someone please invent a liquid cold medicine that doesn’t almost make me puke from the taste of it?

Why did I pay $120 to go see Van Halen, but will only need to spend $10 to see Styx and Boston at the Washington County Fair this year?

Why do we spend countless hours of our own time, including taking vacation days from work, to hold Rummage Sales?

Why will you only hear John Foggerty’s song “Rock and Roll Girl” on the radio when the temperature is over 70 degrees?

I see the movie “Speed Racer” starts up this weekend. Is there no cartoon or show from the past that will be spared Hollywood’s wrath of remakes? Can we assume “Kukla, Fran and Ollie – The Movie” is next?

Will anyone notice that although I titled this blog “20 Questions”, I have only asked 13 questions?

G’Night G’Town!

There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions. ~Charles Proteus Steinmetz